Plan B

We live in an age where everyone has things done for them with remarkable speed. Want to find a hotel? There are three million websites that will compare everything for you from the bounce of a bed to the attractiveness of the room service crew (those things are not connected. Jeeze. This is a rigorous scientific document). Want to buy a car? There are fifteen million ways to search for all the gizmos and gadgets that will work for you. And don’t even get me started on the wide world of resources available to you if you want to start gardening, modeling, or (as I’ve recently learned) collecting tropical Fi…. Sharks.

But for some reason, the wide world of Green energy remains mostly untapped. There are just beginning to be a large number of products out there that might be available for household use. Might be able to save you energy, might be able to lower that bill, and, who knows, might reduce your personal Carbon Emission to something a little closer to what god and nature intended. But, and lets be honest here, the process of greening up your home is a lot of work. It's an incredibly daunting project to just know where to start and how to go about installing everything and keeping it running, let alone optimizing things to your particular condition/situation. I myself often forget to turn out lights, and have been known to leave my computer running for weeks! And I know that just keeping the place from falling apart is more then enough for anyone. That’s why I am going to start a project that will, scientifically, OBJECTIVELY decipher how hard it is to add a lil bit of Green to your life. And you don't have to give up the Big screen TV. (OK, the big screen might have to go, but I promise that the general way of life shall remain unchanged. mmmm, except those pants. those need to go too.)

I will catalogue and control how much energy is gained from different easy to use alternative energy sources. I will figure out what works, what is difficult to install, what takes maintenance, and what runs like a dream as soon as its in. Ill record watts per day, break downs per month, and repair costs per year. Ill know what generates more in different temperatures, and which systems take an Engineering degree to install. The whole time, I (and by this point, its really clear that I mean WE, because this will be a lot of work, and I’m Lazy) will stay on top of the costs of each, while also tracking and researching the newest and greenest of energy resources, so that by the end of the project I can say objectively what works the best and what combination of green energy you can use to make you feel like a better person. (I actually know the answer already. Eat Right and exercise more. But we’ve been ignoring that for generations, why stop now??)

I will also have a Video Camera, so that I can sell out to MTV and spend the rest of my life relaxing in the comfort of my horribly energy inefficient McMansion while I feed Empire Penguin meat to my Pit-bull named “Nuge”. Ahh, to dream the impossible dream.

Read on to discover the basic outline of what the project will look like.